When I was on a plane from Poland to the United States exactly 20 years ago, I was very excited. I had always wanted to come to the US. I didn’t speak English back then and couldn’t wait to learn it. When I thought about my future life in the States, my plan was to learn the language well. I didn’t even consider cross-cultural differences. After all, I’d seen so many American movies that I didn’t expect anything to surprise me. Well, I wasn’t quite right.
When we plan to move abroad, we think about eliminating the language barrier. We want to make sure that we understand others and others understand us. But we often fail to recognize that people in our new country not only speak a different language, but they were also raised in a different culture.
If you look up “culture” in different dictionaries or just google it, you will see very similar definitions. According to Wikipedia:
Culture is an umbrella term which encompasses the social behavior and norms found in human societies, as well as the knowledge, beliefs, arts, laws, customs, capabilities, and habits of the individuals in these groups.
Beliefs, customs, and habits are more abstract than language. They are hard to learn. Culture can’t be memorized the way we memorize vocabulary; it needs to be acquired. As a result, if you come to the US, you might face some awkward situations in the beginning. Although some companies and colleges offer cross-cultural training classes, there are many things that you find out on your own.
Watch a video version 🎥 of this post at my YouTube channel LingoAdventure: part 1, part 2.
A dozen things that surprised me in the US
Below are twelve things that surprised me when I first moved to the US.
1. Small talk
Small talk is an informal type of conversation that doesn’t involve anything important. Americans do it just to be polite. People in the US engage in small talk everywhere – in the elevator, in the grocery store, in the hair salon, even during a job interview. This seemed weird to me in the beginning. In my native Bulgaria and in Poland, a country where I’d spent two years before moving to America, discussing the weather or your weekend plans with strangers is unusual. But in the US you can expect the cashier at the grocery store to ask you how your day’s been going so far or what you are planning to cook with the ingredients that you are buying.
Even if you go to a job interview, the interviewer wouldn’t start discussing your resume right off the bat. First, they might ask you if your commute wasn’t too long. They might also mention something about the weather, which is a common icebreaker in the US. And, most probably, they’d ask if they could offer you some water or coffee.
Another common theme is complimenting on someone’s outfit. This mostly happens between women. I remember when one day I was walking in downtown Minneapolis when a girl stopped me to tell me that she likes my sunglasses. To be honest, I liked it and now I often engage in small talk.
2. Strangers smile at you on the street
When you walk outside and another person walks towards you from the opposite direction, you would often see this person smiling at you. This was strange for me in the beginning. In Bulgaria people don’t smile at strangers. When I first saw a person smiling at me on the street in Minneapolis, I thought that I must have met this person before. But because I didn’t remember ever meeting this individual, I felt awkward and anxious.
Then I found out that smiling at strangers is common in the US. It’s just a polite way to let you know that they see you and recognize your presence. And, to be honest, seeing someone smiling always puts me in a good mood.
3. Tipping
The amount that you are expected to tip in the US makes many newcomers’ hair stand on end. In many other countries you tip just a couple of bucks on the top of the check. You might leave a bit more if you are really happy with the food and/or the service. But here you are expected to tip at least 18 percent on the top of your check. And because 18 percent is the minimum, most people end up tipping 20 and even 25 percent.
Many people who have recently arrived in the US don’t know about this and leave a tip that is way lower than the expected amount. Unfortunately, such people are perceived to be stingy. But the truth is that they just don’t know.
4. Sales tax
I remember when I went to a store and liked a pair of shoes. I looked at the price and decided to buy them. But, to my surprise, when I went to the cashier the price changed. It was several dollars more than it was written on the price tag.
This is because in the US the sales tax is not included in the price that you see on the tag. The cashier adds it when you pay. And it’s different for every state. It could even vary between cities of the same state. So don’t be surprised when you pay a slightly different price for the same item if you purchase it in another town.
This might not be so shocking when you are only buying one item. But imagine having several things in your cart. Then the difference is way more noticeable. So this is definitely an important thing to remember when you go shopping in the US. For instance, the sales tax in California ranges from 7.25% to 9.75%.
5. Wearing pajamas and slippers on the street
I couldn’t believe my eyes when I first saw a girl at my school wearing pajama bottoms and slippers. Back home, no one would dare to leave the house dressed like that. In the US, however, it’s all about comfort. Of course, it depends on the state and the city. In downtown San Francisco you probably wouldn’t see many people wearing pajamas. But in Minnesota, the state I first lived in, many people’s wardrobes consisted of pajama bottoms, sweat pants, slippers, and flip flops.
Now I live in Silicon Valley – the entrepreneurs’ heaven. There are many tech startups and their dress code at work is extremely informal. You could see people wearing t-shirts, short pants, and flip flops. But people who work in banks, other institutions or in the field of marketing wear more formal clothing.
If you are new in the US and you have a job interview, I suggest that you do some research about how people dress in this particular company. Remember, it is never bad to be well-dressed, but you don’t want to be the only person in a suit if others are wearing jeans.
6. Air conditioning everywhere
Americans can’t live without air conditioning. And they take it to another level. On hot summer days, the air conditioning is turned up so much that it can be freezing indoors. I often see employees in Target or other big stores wearing sweaters at work. Sometimes it’s not even hot outside, but the air conditioning is still on.
I personally don’t like being cold. I appreciate air conditioning when it’s scorching outside and I can cool down a little when I go inside. But I always wonder why they make it so cold inside that they have to wear sweaters.
7. Not afraid to look different
What I really like about the US is that no one cares about what others are wearing. You can be wearing boots in the summer or flip flops in the winter and nobody stares at you. In my native Bulgaria, people always worry about what others would think about them. Even if I wanted to wear boots in the summer, I wouldn’t dare because I wouldn’t want to attract stares. But in the US there is a blend of cultures and nothing looks weird. You can have a piercing, shave your hair or dye it purple, you can wear a tank top on a cold, rainy day, you can wear a fur coat in the middle of July, you can put your gloves on your feet if you want. And no one cares. People might even compliment you on your originality.
8. Large paper coffee cups
One thing that I really missed (and I still do) are the beautiful European coffee shops. I still remember my first morning in the States when my husband and I went for coffee. “Small, medium, or large,” the barista asked. I was confused because in Europe no one had ever asked me such a question. “Small,” I said. When I saw the large paper cup filled to the top with coffee, I told my husband that the barista had probably misunderstood. “Excuse me, I wanted a small one,” I said. The barista looked at me as though I was from a different planet. “This is small,” he replied.
At that moment I thought that if I were to drink this amount of coffee, I would end up in the hospital with a heart attack. But once I tasted it, I realized that this dark liquid that Americans called coffee was a far cry from the strong European coffee that I was used to.
This might not be so shocking anymore as Starbucks is everywhere in the world now. But twenty years ago it was new to me. I also missed having my coffee in a real mug. I hated the paper cups; coffee just tastes differently. Although I am used to it now, I still feel a little nostalgic when I think about how coffee is served in Europe.
9. Low power distance
Power distance is the way people relate to one another on a hierarchical scale. In societies that value democracy and equality, it’s not obvious who has more power. Many newcomers cringe at the thought of calling their boss or teacher by their first name. But in the US this is normal. People are also not afraid to express their opinion in front of authority. Although in some cultures this might be seen as disrespect, in the US it’s the norm.
If you are new in the US, pay attention to how people introduce themselves. If they tell you their first name, call them by their first name. You don’t have to constantly call your teacher “teacher” or “ma’am” or “sir.” In the US, it’s a sign of respect to call people the way they want to be called.
10. Few people smoke
There are more smokers in Europe than in the US. When I was growing up, almost everyone in Bulgaria smoked. Even now when I go back to visit, I smell cigarettes everywhere. But the US is a very smoker unfriendly country. You can’t even smoke on the balcony of your apartment, let alone inside. Of course, if you own your house, it might be different, but it also depends on the town and neighborhood. When my grandmother, who used to be a chain smoker, visited, she couldn’t believe how hard it was to find a place to smoke. Once she decided to smoke on the patio outside of Starbucks and she didn’t believe me when I told her that smoking wasn’t allowed there. She was stunned when one of the workers there asked her to throw away her cigarette. She couldn’t understand why she wasn’t allowed to smoke outdoors.
If you are a smoker and plan to live and work in the US, find out what areas allow smoking. Don’t think that you can smoke just because you are outdoors.
11. Driving everywhere
Almost everyone in the US drives because public transportation is not as developed as in other countries. There are buses and trains, but American cities are so spread out that it would take you twice as long to get from one place to another if you have to switch buses. The New York subway system is probably the closest to European public transportation.
When I lived in Bulgaria, I’d take the bus everywhere. It was easy to go from one place to another. But here, when I go somewhere I have to calculate not only driving time, but also how long it would take me to park. That’s why I often prefer to stay home on a Friday night.
12. Never ask “Where’s the toilet?”
Many tourists visiting the US ask: “Excuse me, where is the toilet?” if they are at a restaurant and want to use the restroom. Americans find this repugnant. They never use the word “toilet.” So, if you need to go, ask for the restroom. I’m not sure why this is the case, as no one goes there to rest, but it’s just the way it is.
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Now that I’ve been in the US for 20 years, I’m so used to these things that I experience a reverse culture shock when I go back to visit my native country. You can read more about my adjustment to the new culture and the cultural differences in my earlier posts:
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Which one of the points above surprised you the most? Let me know in the comments or just shoot me an email.
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That was amazing ?
Only the first one is seen in Iran. One thing that is different to that of Iran’s culture is punctuality. People in Iran aren’t on time unfortunately, including myself. I’m very anxious if I move to the US and am late, what really happens.
Yes, I had a friend from Iran back in college and she was constantly late for class lol. But tardiness is common in many countries in South American as well and many people who move to the US have a hard time getting used to punctuality.
Hello Daniela, when I visited my grandchildren school I was surprised when I saw them , including the teachers, wearing pajamas and slippers. Even though it was winter, but they have their jackets on while they were outside. They told me this was not always just when they celebrate sth.
And I also asked where the toilet was. I didn’t know about that word:,restrooms…?
BTW what do you mean by Website?
Hello Daniela,
Today for a short time and the Fırat time I could attent to your speaking club. I am so happy there were 3 of us so I think that’s why you named your page “Every speaker counts” cause we all had time and turns to talk 🙂 I will check all your topics which I am enjoying now 🙂 Thank you so much, take çare.